I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
