The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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