So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She's the barista slut.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
