Umm I'm too high to move.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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