Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Still dying that you shit outside
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
