you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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