My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
