I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Randomize
