i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
