I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
