I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
