I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
