I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
