I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
