Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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