She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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