Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
