Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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