He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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