why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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