Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
