We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
