Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Randomize
