remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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