it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
