Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
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