if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
