video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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