I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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