I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
