You just made me feel so damn special
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Randomize
