so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize