please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
