maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
