We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize