I can tuck mytits in my pants
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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