so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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