she smelled like a LAN party
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
