The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
