my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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