everyone is single if you try hard enough
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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