just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
