i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
