one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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