Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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