my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
