this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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