before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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