i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
