Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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