you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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