Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
