I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize