I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
