I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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