i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
