I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
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