He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
