I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize