She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
