I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
