Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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