Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
