wakey wakey hands off snakey
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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