i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
