You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
