nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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