Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
