He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
