you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize