remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize