I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
