Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize