I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
