you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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