i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
