just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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