Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Randomize
