can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
This is my gift to your gina
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
