Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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