Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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