Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
