I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
