She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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