You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize