my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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