Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
