just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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