this beer tastes like vomit already
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
