Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
