ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Randomize
