let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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