please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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