I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
