I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
