He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
