he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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