That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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