I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
