Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
